Funnies: The Drinkers Fault Finding Guide

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Room is spinning.
Fault: Someone is spinning your barstool.
Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at the ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on yourself.
Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar is moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hijacked.

Symptom: Bar looks like a circus.
Fault: You ARE at a circus.
Solution: Go to a bar.

Symptom: The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouthful of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see you bedroom walls and ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if it is opening time-if not treat yourself to a lie in.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: PANIC!!

Sonnet Of Truth

Everything I ever say or do it is all about you
Everything is already over, I know
But I just couldn't let you go
Because deep inside I know I'm still in love with you
Sometimes my heart shatters like a broken a mirror
Because I feel guilty lying about my feelings for you
I shouldn't lie to ourselves anymore
As these lies will not change the fact that I still love you
It don't matter if you want to loathe me
It don't matter if you want to hurt me or even break my heart
I will pull through all these sufferings if you do
Because my heart is still with you, now and forever
Who would have thought that things could change in such a short time
At times I wish that time would just stop everything around me
Everyday I have to push myself to do every single thing
Because life just isn't as meaningful without you
No one can ever replace your place in my life
As there is only one you that I know and come to love

Art Gallery?

Today is the last day of school for the month. Next whole week all schools in Malaysia will have a one-week holiday. For the past week I have been trying to perfect my 'personal art gallery' at the back of my classroom. Due to the fact that National Day is around the corner, the whole class is thrown into a frenzy to decorate the classroom. We have put up flags of all 14 states and a huge 'Jalur Gemilang' flag. To top off all these, I have decided to draw a national car with the Malaysian flag on its body. After much deciding, I have settled down and draw a Perodua Viva. My reference picture was the Viva Elite Edition, but because the car in the reference picture was small in size and in a dark blue coloured, I have to modify the front bumper and rear spoiler into something of my own design while the rims are the beautiful SSR Type C. Here's the final design of my Perodua Viva "Jalur Gemilang Edition" (this is the original picture without the 'Jalur Gemilang' because I spent the last 2 hours in school to draw it out. When I finished I had a few minutes to go before the bell went off, indicating school's over for the day, which means I couldn't go to the book shop to photostat it and draw the Malaysian flag on the photocopied version):

Also, I'd like to wish Tee Su Poh a Happy Belated Birthday. She's currently still in hospital after having her operation, and talks has it that she is now taller than before! :0 We are praying for her quick recovery and she would return to school after the holidays. Here's wishing you a happy one, Su Poh! :D

Tagged by Mei Yu

Before you start, tag 15 people or more. You must re-tag the person who tagged you. And your results is your title for this tag.
Now start. . .

I have. . . ( 1 point for each one question )

1. smoked.
2. consumed alcohol.
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
5. kissed someone of the same sex.
6. had sex.
7. had someone in your room other than family.
8. watched porn.
9. bought porn.
10. tried drugs.

MY TOTAL: 3

1. taken painkillers.
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine.
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house.
6. done something illegal.
7. felt hurt.
8. hurt someone.
9. wished someone to die.
10. seen someone die.

MY TOTAL: 4

1. missed curfew.
2. stayed out all night.
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
4. been to a therapist.
5. received a ticket.
6. been to rehab
7. dyed your hair.
8. been in an accident.
9. been to a club.
10. been to a bar

MY TOTAL: 0

1. been to a wild party.
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade.
3. drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
4. had a spring break in Florida.
5. sniffed anything
6. wore black nail polish
7. wore arm bands.
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap.
10. owned a 50 Cent CD.

MY TOTAL: 2

1. dressed Gothic
2. dressed girly.
3. dressed punk.
4. dressed grunge.
5. stole something.
6. been too drunk to remember anything.
7. blacked out.
8. fainted.
9. had a crush on a neighbour.

MY TOTAL: 1

1. had a crush on a friend.
2. been to a concert.
3. dry-humped someone.
4. been called a slut.
5. called someone a slut.
6. installed speakers in your car.
7. broken a mirror.
8. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
9. brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.

MY TOTAL: 3

1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater.
3. cruised the mall.
4. skipped school.
5. had surgery.
6. had an injury.
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
9. caught something on fire.
10. lied about your age.

MY TOTAL: 5

1. owned/rented an apartment/house
2. broke the law in the police's presence.
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf
4. got in trouble with the police.
5. talked to a stranger.
6. hugged a stranger.
7. kissed a stranger.
8. rode in the car with a stranger.
9. been harassed.
10.been verbally harassed.

MY TOTAL: 1

1. met face-to-face with someone you met online.
2. stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight.
5. been to a fair.
6. been called a bad influence.
7. drink and drive.
8. prank-called someone.
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
10. cheated on a test.

MY TOTAL: 7

Grand Total: 27

If You Have Less Than 10.. write [im a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10.. write [im still a goody goody]
If You Have More Than 20.. write [i'm average]
If You Have More Than 30.. write [im a bad kid]
If You have more than 40.. write [im a very bad influence]
If You Have more than 50.. write [im a horrible person]
If You Have more than 60.. write [i should be in jail]
If You Have more than 70.. write [i should be dead]

Beyond Everything

Sometimes there are things in this world that cannot be solved. There are even things that cannot be explained. I know, yes that my friends do care about me, but sometimes things around me just cannot be solved like this. It would be a miracle if God can solve it the way I want.

Power Is Nothing Without Control

Everything in my life is beyond loyalty, beyond borders and beyond limits.